i felt depress all over again.despite a little help from joan dearest, the feeling came back. i lost my identity. like facing god with the prayer mat means nothing that i have gone this far. i no longer knows who i am. im not confused. just lost for directions. i feel a need to tell someone. everything. if only casper is here like before. but no. no use for a change over spilled milk. i promised a friend i won't do it again. instead i walked over it. that evening. if only i could let myself out. tell them the truth. make them believe that im trap within myself. but that night reserved for much better. and they cant afford to let me loose myself. i kept it still. i still keeps it inside. for those who i've hurt. guity surrounds me. how much i do want to say sorry but never have a chance to. let me run back to where i go wrong. i'll mend those broken parts of you. lets take a truce. a little help over here. i need to know myself. i badly need to. for i longed the pain to go away. help. me.