me simplified.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

where'd you go.i miss you so.

remember that night at the beach. we felt good together. you shudder when we hug.

and you have to go after what had happen. once, i've told you drinking will kill. it does. one way or another, they said you were drunk. what have you done. why so foolish. why stupidity runs in you. why, dont you even think. once you've said life was meaningless to you. but why this way. i dont know how to react. youve been a part of me. for a short while. and you were there. always there. and i have been a disappointment. i let you down. the reason was you. never me. and now you let yourself down. youre so selfish. and for once i thought youve changed. baby, im deeply sorry you have to go. even it cuts right through me. rest in peace my dear boy.

i'll always love you.

for casper.

rainbow rush(:

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Dalam benakku lama tertanam

sejuta bayangan dirimu

Redup terasa cahaya hati

Mengingat apa yang telah engkau berikan

Waktu berjalan lambat mengiring

dalam titian takdir hidupku

Cukup sudah aku tertahan

dalam persimpangan masa silamku

Coba tuk melawan getir yang terus kukecap

Meresap ke dalam relung sukmaku

Coba tuk singkirkan aroma nafas tubuhmu

Mengalir mengisi laju darahku

Semua tak sama .. tak pernah sama

Apa yang kusentuh apa yang kukecup

Sehangat pelukmu .. selembut belaimu

Tak ada satupun yang mampu menjadi sepertimu

Apalah arti hidupku ini memapahku dalam ketiadaan

Segalanya luruh lemah tak bertumpu

Hanya bersandar pada dirimu

Sampai kapan kau terus bertahan

Sampai kapan kau tetap tenggelam

Sampai kapan kau mesti terlepas

Buka mata dan hatimu relakan semua

it sounded alot like lust

rainbow rush(:

collage.

oh if you spot any stuffs that were'nt suppose to be there, act as if you've seen nothing. *grinning* cause singapore feels like sahara today. the heat is unbearable, it leaves the throat so dry and body so weak. a trip to peninsula for brother's stuffs and chinatown for stuffs again, and a quick trip to the bazaar for bestie's stuffs. bestie came over to hang out and break-fast together. finally i got my collage done, and looking forward to do more. everything random is found in it. no reasons to that. hehe. thanks to bestie for the printed pictures. from the bottom of my blardy heart, thank you lovely!

assignments!assignments! never less of them, always coming. two more presentation due on 7th and the 9th. if im not wrong. and we're slowly getting it started. gosh. no raya this year. can?

thank you friend. for i thuoght you were sincere in helping me out. you're so fucking nice, i can't find someone nicer than you. oh. did i mention you were the most prettiest bitch i/anyone have ever seen?! *eyes rolling*

thank you.for you have made me happy.bitch.

rainbow rush(:

Thursday, September 25, 2008

VT.

a trip to the victoria theatre for colin's class. field trip!! like back in the primary/secondary school days; EXCURSION! but only difference is that we're suppose to travel to the venue on our own. no more school bus. lol. the trip to VT opened up my eyes to theatre and how the backstage crew manage the lighting/sound/setting of a whole performance. its really cool, as we get to climb up to the sky gallery where there's manymany ropes with weights on them. a great time with the class too, as we get to take pictures and get crazy with the things around us. and we get down from the sky gallery via the 'talked about' spiral staircase. it gets quite scary, as there were offerings by the stairwell and the staircase is so very narrow. so we go single-file and sang to baa baa black sheep as we get down as the place gets darker downwards. finally, we made it back to the stage and everyone is happy. lol!
met brother for some shopping. pity him. its the idk hw many times his gf has to postpone their date due to her attachment. but brother's a good guy and stays by her no matter what. and brother finally knows how to blow his nose. im so proud of him. after 20 years not being able to. now he's a man. who knows how to blow his own nose. *can i laugh now?!*

imy

rainbow rush(:

in hoping and failing.

i use to think that one will change when he/she gets to know someone new. but, thinking furthur, i don't think it does. well, maybe a little, depending how much that certain someone is an influence to you. like our daily lives and the revolving earth, things change every milisecond. for the better or the worst. not much stays constant. human beings change for the better or the worst too. changing for a cause, for someone, for something, to be better, to get better, or to rebel.
dear diary. i have done alot lately. and have yet to find my identity. wanted to be the better, but kept falling into the open pit. is given a choice. i did choose. but end up taking back my words. maybe, its time i let myself think, of shutting myself up from those that i end up hoping for. or simply just shut-up. refrain from being too friendly. and listen to myself. listen to what i want/need. maybe. this way. i'll find what i really am.

tenterhooks

rainbow rush(:

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

affection.

restlessness seems to linger every second the clock ticks. im insomniac. sleepless nights.

school got quite draggy, even though i get to meet up with the best classmates around after the two weeks of "studybreak". yes, insert *inverted comas please. music assessment wasnt that bad after all, even though i acted as if i know whatever i'm writing on the paper. lol! and i scored 9/10 for music report. bingooo! wawa,sally,nurul,joan,sera,angelline. the best people around:D
break-fast with bestie earlier on and a quick buy of some stuffs around the bazaar. i had fun with bestie. its been a while, and i miss those times where we talk and talk and laugh and laugh like nothing else matters. and we had that earlier on. its just so good to have pour everything out. the good. the bad. the sweet. the bitter. everything. only bestie knows how much affection i have towards a certain someone. ring a bell and say; ohmy! he's bonded!
if you get what i mean(:
anyway, thank you bestie for ****face photo:D i'll be gladly sleeping soundly tonight!!

bitter sweetness.

rainbow rush(:

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

best-crazy-kickass friends.

the best thing that happened awhile ago, was with these crazy-kaki's. finally met up with them and break-fast at el-sheik.hehehehe..they're so hilarious, ilham with his magic tricks that got wet at the start, due to his excitement that he hit on to his glass of 'non-alcoholic beer'.tipsy you said :D lol! sheesha later on at al-tazzab. we got ourselves seats along arab street,where its so damn quiet that we changed to the normal seating near the crowd. crapped all the way. and we got curious, as this male waitress kept on throwing smiles towards ewan. hmmm..fishy! and to avoid getting it out of control, we get out of there. lol! to ehub for bowling, zai drove us there while ewan and ilham on bike. haha! i so envy those whoever that can already drive/ride. heh! two rounds of bowl, and we got out of there, as time's running out and the place's closing up. its been a great time with these awesome people around. i can't wait for more meet-ups!! and courtesy to zai for driving me home(:

dancefloor.

rainbow rush(:

Monday, September 22, 2008

hobby.

spring clean again today. and finally got my hands on them paint brushes and watercolors after for so long. *bigbig smile* mother finally gave me some space letting me do whatever i want to after helping her with cleaning up the house. i finally get to paint for a few hours before mother has to come barging in getting me out of the house to some gathering for breaking-fast. grr. someone/something always has to get in the way. ohwell. anyway, i managed to paint my pencil color's box. see that, if sheep's what you're thinking, then sheep it is(: a few more paintings coming up for the room's wall collage. daddy gave me permission to repaint my wall and im super psyched. only that he made me use up the leftover wall paints from the store, cause he refuse to get me new paints complaining i didn't finished them up the last time he got them for me. fine. fine. fine.

a fast trip to beach road to get brother a pair of sneakers. i got myself flipflops and mother owe me a plain high-cut for my hobby project. yeyness! tomorrow's monday. and i cant wait for the gathering. *bigbig smile*

if only you were free from that bond you had, i would.

rainbow rush(:

Sunday, September 21, 2008

the day.

somehow it turned out fab. even the quick spring clean after getting lazy in bed kills the shit out of me. im so lethargic these days staying up in bed till around noon. talk about 'beauty sleep'. lol! anyway, was suppose to get back to CGH for checkup yesterday, instead i drag forward the appt over the weekends or early next week. so, a quick-shopping for a new pair of heels for the festive season. its kind of weird, having to celebrate hari raya again. well, lol. and met shahidah after the quick-shop for breaking-fast. arab street was really packed, myself forgetting its on a friday. i had a great time with dear shahidah, after for sooo long not meeting up :D oh, and a gathering on monday for breaking-fast with sha and the gang! yes!yes! i so can't wait to crap like crazy with them, like we used to!

a day with sally dearest and bestie. hebat bangat! simply go insane with these girls around. and i miss school like hell even though its a few days away. looking forward to school, NOT the exams for sure(: microecons is killing. did a short survey with the girls, and they had what, only a few chapters to go through before they're done. myself. oh! just two pages. how about that?! the brain's not absorbing anything, and that is surely a bad sign. sigh. weekend trip awhile ago with bestie and the few shyla/RA people. i had fun with bestie, laugh like we never laugh before. *insert mat rep cannot-make-it face*
today is best!

don't walk.run!

rainbow rush(:

Friday, September 19, 2008

lets get overratted.

because i had too much to smoke/think/tire last night. and that wasn't the first. getting the immune in trouble again and forcing the bile to lengthen even it hurts so much inside. the growling of voice running through my head. rush. the rush all over like that day. the bile comes and go at convenient intervals. 6am and immune is fully jammed. surprisingly the brain works well. a fast clean up. to the physician. got under the weather. to the nearest sanatorium. a thick prickle on the left arm. drip. drip. drip. a test for fluid level and blood count. daddy's pissed i can't take care of myself. its done and over with. im getting stalled for the mean time. unless i pinky-promised daddy for getting well.

because you haven't been around lately. and i did see that coming. just like it used to. on tenterhooks. companion made me think over the top. see how far it works. its going to be artificial. don't start if you're going to repudiate. stop this claptrap.

because i've been bad lately. it has been a great deal. but i've let it go like it doesn't matter. this judgement too much for the running. setting off from where reputations stands.

burn those grudges and let go.

rainbow rush(:

Sunday, September 14, 2008

walking towards the rainbow.

its been a sleepy morning even though the fam missed the morning meal. i have to drag myself to work with a barely opened eye,a heavy head and an aching back. oh this is killing. work got quite draggy at the first, but it turned out well with the supervisor and team leaders around(: more people seems to sent in their resignation letter. im still considering. i thought of going retail this time, FnB is tiring me off. oh well. and work finished quite fast ending at four with 14bux in hand from the tips box, and getting onboard a freezing-cold bus is a way to end it off. ipod's plugged and im into dreamland. bumped into sammy's friend at cp while looking through the pile of markers in popular. how i miss that sammy kid(: everyone's been MIA at the moment. was suppose to meet bestie for company earlier, but mummy called for help to get some stuffs on the way home. i miss dear bestie too(: and my girls(: the long wait for wednesday's get-together for break-fast and sheesha. can't wait! and also another get-together for break-fast with the girlfriends sometime next week(: its been so very long since we all met, and we have to do some catching up from where we fell off one another. its kinda sucky to fall out from those you're used to be closed with, like a part of you missing. oh well. im still happy with who i am now and those around me. god bless(: still, i am looking forward to the get-togethers. can't barely wait! funny, i've been missing casper lately. thanks to sammy dear when i called him reporting that i saw his bestpal. he's sounded funny over the food while eating, well,i barely can hear him though.lol. we'll have meet-ups soon since im having this short-yet-stressing study break. a trip to the skatepark it is. and milo dinosaur or 'milk syrup' afterwards with the burning char smell hanging in the air. and retracing the steps where we all used to walk together, back when casper's still around(:

you sounded like a heartbreak.worst then me.

rainbow rush(:

Friday, September 12, 2008

pain partially restored.

like having you there but having nothing to do with it.
we're separates.
like on a mellow journey.
like walking on water,only feeling dryness at the end of the river.
like the morning breeze beating against the skin,not feeling the chill it brought down.
like the hot sun blazing above an open field,not perspiring.
just stading there.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
for a miracle.
waiting.
for a change.

about time it tells.

rainbow rush(:

in patience and sincerity.

i learned a few somethings these days.it hasnt been good nor that bad a say.not been getting enough sleep is well said.but turning cranky is another.maybe i shouldnt take things for granted.thinking back to where i've been to and how im effected by it.im being random.jumping from a different scene to another,talking about it.remembering how a friend talks about love and sorts.maybe i should stop what i've been going on about now.the guilt.it so hard to feel right when whatever you're doing seems wrong somwhow.cause you're in a state of mind where guilt always surrounds you.i watched a movie earlier today,and i now learned how painful it is to cope with something you're willing to give away and having to deal with it.unfair it may seems,thats the only way it works.maybe,i should think about it.think over what i have in mind.or just, let nature takes it cause.one way or another.

how is it being there for you and not having anything to do with it.clear the air my dear.

rainbow rush(:

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

pissed.

im cracking my brains and forcing my eye balls to stay up for assignments after assignments. so far, so good but yet to reach satisfactory. and that kind of frustrating, not able to get to that level. and i wish for some consideration. its not being rude or whatever. its just sensible to do what we were assigned to together. in a way or another. put in a little effort, im sure its appreciated. i hate to put it in a way it might offend others. but its irrating to have to go over it again and again. no hard feelings, but when it comes to this kind of situation, everybody just has to know where their responsibilities are. like a friend says, girls usually blog to bitch about others. its not true somehow. its just a way to express themselves. well, im not bitching am i. im trying to get things straight. get the idea?! cause its been a long tiring day today. worst,this calls for some waking up.

flowers under the broken bed.

rainbow rush(:

yadda yadda!

its been a long day and i have to say its a good day. minus the presentation. lol. the group actually met up earlier to edit whatever we're supposed to, but the results got quite shitty. its the computer/cable problem. grrrrr. turned out we have to use the older version of office and the words and everything turned out like crap. anyways, i guess we did quite okay minus the question/answer part. oh.i dont even wanna start on that.
met RA/shyla for break-fasting plus hazwan/hezwan. funny people is they! and not forgetting my hxc LINDS!! sangat awesome. a mit up with a friend. and home sweet home. gosh.i cnt sleep. someone! sing me a lullaby:D

rainbow rush(:

Monday, September 08, 2008

set the sky to the upper side.

another day another story.and i miss funkycurls like crazy.*cheychey*
so.i was on the phone with him and he started laughing like crazy.turned out he was looking through old album.our glory moments.where our parents sign legal forms over what we wear and how we look like.tsk.tsk.worst.i have appeared somehow on those photos he was looking at.shitxzxzxzxz.ohwell.he might come round for breaking-fast tomorrow.can't wait!
guilty pleasure.like desperate housewives.only better.lol.im so evil.you don't even know me.

run.

rainbow rush(:

Sunday, September 07, 2008

sleep.sleep.sleep.

tiredness surrounds.i awoke to see the sun and feel the water on my skin and sleep again.never i have been this tired.its a day where im bored and i cant find something good to talk about.it the school study break and im cracking my head trying to study music.damn.its alot more complicated than algebra and associates.im damn bored.can?

so long suckers!

rainbow rush(:

kick ass.

yesterday in school was okay.minus arthur's class. he made us wait till 5 to print our documents. so assholic. breaking-fast with dear wawa at arab street. she and her non-stop nonsense. makes my day so good, especially nearing the breaking-fast part:D wawa is hilarious! having only both of us is like 10 people put together. photos and sight seeing. more of thoses. and sheesha. we had a heart to heart. and she spit out her drink when i blurt something out. off-guard. lol!! all the 'dive' gone when she does that. more talks.photos.laughters.hanging-out.get-to-knows.sillyness. and we're out of there.ohmy.i is really have crazy girlfriends!

can we do that again(:

rainbow rush(:

time ticks like heavy rain.

waiting for you seems to take alot from me. having to think back those short period of time we had. sharing our joys and laughter together. carrying the same burden as we have each other filled with our downturns. to face one another at the breaking point. your hands in mine. your eyes on mine. warmth surrounds us. your eyes twitches as the cold breezes sweeps by encircling. today, i watch you move on. taking this in my own hands. letting you free. freed from these insecurities. for i thought having you away makes me better. i was wrong. i miss those short well-spend time with you. how much of you i longed to have here with me. but time passes and i have to let go. reality check. you're checked with another over at the other side.

so long dear friend.

rainbow rush(:

Friday, September 05, 2008

daze.

its been a long day in school only having to go for arthur's class to print documents. 4 hours wasted in the lounge with sammie,sleeping,watcing movie etc. im currently in arthur's class. killing time to get my hands on the main comp to print my docs. im so getting out of here. so lethargic with this flu and cough. for later will be a better plan, breaking fast with the girls and sheesha. oh smokin!
its Joan dearest birthday today.she has turned 18.HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god bless you(:

sick bitch

rainbow rush(:

coolest shit!

arfake totally made me better with his hilarious self. im getting better from flu and cough laughing.man.he's the coolest shit!!!!!!!

randomness makes me better

rainbow rush(:

Thursday, September 04, 2008

mistakes tatooed all over my back.

the weather's up to no good these days and people around me are starting to get sick with colds,nausea and all.im having a bad flu where my head feels airy.ohmy.the epidemic.oral communication presentation went well just now, minus the speech block.lol. wawa,hid,sera,sally and myself turned into children again when we stopped by the party shop near bugis. googoogaagaa here and there. remembering childhood times,where we used to play with blow-up bubbles, colourful paper plates and plastic utensils, cartoons, bright coloured party decorations and toys. we really went kiddish at the sight of all this(: after near 45mins googoogaagaa-ing, we left with a bottle of soap bubbles each, sera with some snacks and a blown-up helium balloon shaped of a heart for hid. up for planning, halloween/masquerade party *grinns*
autocad was a bigbig pain even though i enjoyed it. turned out i lost my thumbdrive, and the ones i kept in my ipod wasnt the full set that i do have.so the three hours autocad is spent drawing back whatever doc i've lost,while dearest sally helped me take note of whatever colin's explaining about.ohmy.if it gets any worst,its study break for this upcoming two weeks, and we're having make-up lessons for oral comm and arts management.double worst.oral comm 20% assessment due nx week.can it get any worse worse worse.
dear sally finally got her laptop.and she's naming it . im calling mine 'sammie'(: dear buddy forgets me that he's turned into a skater enthusiast.lol! i finally had my time with the girls just now. thanks sally and hid for hearing me out. thanks wawa for making my day,you're always be 19(: thanks queen,sera for being the best.
to think again. i like to keep things this way. nevermind the pain. i'll get through with the people around me. cause they play a big part in me(:

i have monkeys in my closet waiting to be freed.

rainbow rush(:

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

that very thought.

i felt depress all over again.despite a little help from joan dearest, the feeling came back. i lost my identity. like facing god with the prayer mat means nothing that i have gone this far. i no longer knows who i am. im not confused. just lost for directions. i feel a need to tell someone. everything. if only casper is here like before. but no. no use for a change over spilled milk. i promised a friend i won't do it again. instead i walked over it. that evening. if only i could let myself out. tell them the truth. make them believe that im trap within myself. but that night reserved for much better. and they cant afford to let me loose myself. i kept it still. i still keeps it inside. for those who i've hurt. guity surrounds me. how much i do want to say sorry but never have a chance to. let me run back to where i go wrong. i'll mend those broken parts of you. lets take a truce. a little help over here. i need to know myself. i badly need to. for i longed the pain to go away. help. me.

you're wearing thin

rainbow rush(:

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

unlike today.

despite waking up late to school, and getting on a sandwich-full tube, its been good. Visual arts class quiz which consist of 80 mcq question is sucky. all about painting, paintings and more paintingss. oh dear, i do painting, but learning about its history and all is a pain: evryone got panic stricken as nurul texted saying she's on mc and so does wawa. oh, arts management ppt. the girl's heart almost stop. lol! turned out they came during the 2hour break, rushing on the ramained ppt for the next lesson for presentation. a job well done to the 5 groups who had their presentation done earlier. too bad, a waste for the rush of preparation, my group's got dragged to next week:

music awaereness is soo mundane. everytime mr lim turn off the lights to start the projector, my brain got switched off, dozing asleep. im wayy wayy to sleepy, so i irritate the girls around me; wawa and hid with my crappyness. see the picture on top? its my music notes. all filled with mini mini sketches and crappy stuffs. adding on to the sleepyness, i got hungry from fasting. so being my own devil, i sketched out comic food and distract the hell out of the girls around me(: thank you wawa and hid(: kamu berdua sangat best untuk di-irritate:D sayang sekali!

dear bestie,
don't care of him. i won't let him get you while im still here. so dont shed those tears. hes not worth the pain. hes a fool. dont let go. be strong. cause im here for you. and so is the rest(:
bestie youre the best(:
wawa i shall buy you ramly burger(: p/s; my pahala point left 3 only today.best seh!
my girls is the best of all(:

cause i dont know where i stand.and i need to know.

rainbow rush(:

update.

its 1.05, and im fully awake.i cant read notes on visual art cause my brain refuses to and im so blardy tired. i have alot to think these few days. and i have alot to tell bestie. i want a heart to heart, i know im bad enough. and im trying to get better. but no way, no way am i changing if im just gonna fall back to square one in the end. it gotta hurt like it did last time, but i'll try staying strong. its the fasting month ya fellas. be a bit nice, throw some dime at those by the street, lessen those sins you've made, turn a new leaf, never look back. as for me, i've tried but i cant .maybe not simply. i'll give it time and thank god for what i have now. maybe i shoudn't talk god. im so much a sinner. i'll have things go my own way and later come asking why. i should only have myself to blame. no way for sorries. it's too late to turn back now i've started this journey. ohmy. fasting month. gotta catch some sleep, goodnight.

for wasting for pleasure.

rainbow rush(:

Monday, September 01, 2008

if i walk away someday,would you come after me.

its the fasting season.and assignments are killing the hell out of me.worst,all due tomorrow for the 3 lessons.arts management group assignment is 3/4 complete.visual arts is 1/4 read on.music awareness report not done at all.im dead meat! gotta rush now.more updates later(:

rainbow rush(: