the day was spent with bestfriend.i had fun.honest :)
and bumped into ati,mai,zakiy,jacs :)
casper called on my way back home.asked for funkycurls.but end up having a long convo.i told him everything.inside out.i just need to tell someone.spill everything.at first,it seems weird somehow.but,letting it out to someone you just knew,who listens,encourage and help is different.casper's different.he's like funkycurls.seriously.i badly misses him.yes.i let out everything to casper.everything.he let me say it all out.maybe he's right.letting it out means cleaning up.cause keeping it all in will rot you.how much your heart aches.how you feels the hollow pit in your stomach churn.your throat goes dry.your mind not thinking straight.you feel like crying but holds it back.you try to hide but have nowhere to run.cause everything will just crumbles down to you in the end.its better now than wait.his words hit me deep.so deep.my eyes sting with water.i may be alright.but inside isn't.i can't fake it.im too soft.how much longer you have to pretend.pretend everything's alright.while inside you're slowly breaking.i'm wearing thin.he saying all this make me more furious.furious with myself.mad at him for saying all this.for so long.i've keep it inside.didn't want it to appear.brushing it off like it didn't matter.i wouldn't say faking.its just ignoring.i don't want to drag and get mad.i want everything to run smooth.so you think its alright?its alright to be like this?to fighting for this alone and not letting it out?you ask yourself.is this right for you.did you ask for it to be this way?i don't think so.go on.ask yourself.im alone.even though there's people around me.i feel so lonely.sometimes.i feel i have nowhere to turn to.i don't like burden.i hate it to trouble others.its just so wrong.i feel wronged for them to worry about me.its not right.what is not right?there's no other cure than having to talk to someone.communication make things work.it runs all connection.why would you say that way.how could you even think that way.you don't get better keeping quiet.you're in pain,you'll say it.shout.people around you'll hear you.you don't keep quiet when you start bleeding.you can't.i like it this way.oh.no.i'm selfish.to myself.sometimes.i feel like i don't know myself anymore.maybe i just need someone.someone.to break me.to make me fall to the ground.to look me into the eye and break me for all means.to hurt me.to hurt me straight.right in front of me.to say it to me.to shout at me.to let me down.just once.so i'll get over and come clean.you want that?are you sure about it.it will hurt.alot.but better for the long run.you'll get better.it'll be once.and you're done for it.it'll come smacking the whole of you.why?because it'll make you recover.recover from everything.everything you're keeping.everything that you thought about.i want to recover from this.i want to come clean.i feel so dirty.why does it work this way.i hate it.i hate it.because life's like that.you have a taste of everything.sweet.bitter.sour.its unfair.life's unfair.you should love yourself.stand up for yourself.
casper.thank you.
tonight i've learn to cry from anger.
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am
rainbow rush(:
the day was spent with bestfriend.i had fun.honest :)