FunFair(:

2009-03-13T00:51:00.000+08:00

I'VE MOVED.

http://duhmyname.livejournal.com

2009-03-09T23:44:00.002+08:00

up your arse.

thank you.for pretending all along.making me feel like a fool of a friend.perhaps im just too ignorant to pay any attention to you.what the fuck did i ever do to you?!better reflect on yourself my dear.better still,go get a gun and point it straight in between your pair of eyes.that could just be lovely.oh,too lovely.

now i give you crude.

2009-03-08T19:56:00.002+08:00

what goes around comes around.

dragged myself out of bed with the rest still soundly asleep at 630 in the morning. who the hell even wakes up that early on a sunday morning?! missed breakfast with the fam and so head on to ACM for the event. turned out the morning crowd wasnt that bad, but the parents are friggin suck-ass-oholic. yes, we understand its a kids show, and kids being themselves are fussy with things around them. but that doesnt mean you put the blame on us just because your goddamn kid refuses to cooperate with what you have planned with them for the day. sorry the harsh language. but you have been harsh to us; the crews and that just means of giving you a taste of your own medicine. we schedule stuffs to be as nice and neatly as possible and you go ruin our day with your fucked-up attitude and language. sure enough i think children theatre production has to have a trail show thingy where you put the kid in there for a good 10 minutes with flickering lights and stupit scary irritating noises. if the kid can go through that with not much fuss, than we'll know if the kids are good to go for theatre shows, so that their parents wont try to argue over matters of their kids and be as idiotic as asking for a refund. if parents cant handle or calm their kids down it just shows how much a parent are you. and dont go blaming and pointing finger at us because your kid is being a __ and at the same time youre being a __ too and go saying we spoil your friggin day. screw your ass!

binget sak. nb ccb.

2009-03-07T00:07:00.002+08:00

jon and kate plus 8.

i havent been feeling too well lately. always restless. mother thought it must be the weather. or its just myself. oh well. my usual morning television drive wouldnt be complete w/o watching either 'time wrap' from discovery channel or 'jon and kate plus 8' from discovery channel travel and living. oh! everyone SHOULD watch jon and kate plus 8! the kids are SOOO VERYYY THE ADORABLE!! in total there's 8 of them kids consisting of a sent of twins and at sextuplets. sextuplets? meaning giving birth to 6 at a go. got it?! awesome, and the introduction to every episodes they'll talk about how they cant have kids in the first place, but turned out they have more than expected! still, they're blessed with 8 wonderful adorable children, minus their crankiness. oh!oh! remember watch them! every week day at discovery travel and living, channel 16 from 11 to 12noon. i bet you'll go oooo..ahhh...so cute!hehe:D gonna be a long day tmr at ACM. till then!

the city is at war with you and me as the losers

2009-03-05T21:34:00.003+08:00

starbucks night.

we're sitting way way too near the spinning fan thingy at starbucks. its killing the hell out of me. cold. with lind and hid as company, it never gets better. tomorrow, the act3 international briefing then starts the long FOH week. oh can't wait. still. i have dance assignment pending not touched. i don't even think of going there O.O
i need time out and much sleep.eyebags oh eyebags.

the start that has yet to come.

2009-03-04T00:22:00.002+08:00

it might just be the weather.

the weather hasn't been too good lately. raining with no dark clouds in the sky. thunder with the clear sign of the shining sun. awesome. and so the on-going anyhow weather affect the insides. fizikal dan mental. fizikally, its been cold and hot and cold. mentally, more to ponder. since we're having the two weeks tutorial break that doesn't mean we have no school during this period of time-_- attchment for FOH for act3 international will start by the end of the week, and we still have dance and theatre awareness make-up classes to attend. on the other hand, i think i need to settle issues with myself. im too much of a thinker i guess. how things tend to screw the hell out of me. i know i have to do something about this. but trying my best to be ignorant. can? nb ccb. i hate messes.

this is your time to think.

2009-02-28T00:55:00.002+08:00

you've took me down the road too many times before.

feeling sorry for myself.i feel no good to be here.im just a shadow,at times just so visible you could only see that very part of me.you'll never know me like everyone does.i know i deserve more than smirks and whatever behind closed doors.

time will heal this.and we recover from the scars even how minor.

2009-02-24T01:36:00.003+08:00

final straw.

its the last week for pre-historic art assignment to be done. comes friday we'll be presenting our product to Kay. man, this is nerve-wrenching. i hate rushing, but good thing creative writting is three-quarter done. an approx 4 hours heads-on for creative writting ad presentation awhile ago, and we're almost done. kudos. and i'm so worried for the final product for pre-historic art! shitzxzxz. so much "what if's" to be thought of. damn. no pressure, it gona be a long day tomorrow. on the bright side, tuesday's always the day i looked forward to where i'll be having western painting and at the same time side-tracking............

chill.

2009-02-20T23:56:00.002+08:00

if that's how you feel, then what's there to do?

I think it's every time I walk into a room
A silence so sudden that I seem to hear it
And how long could you hang on to a word?
Tell me, how long could you hang on to a word?
Or maybe it's all eyes on him
in love with ego and intention
The eyes that are just begging me for more.
This is gone and I can see it
your head is full of words,
full of words that don't mean anything.

If that's how you feel, then what's there to do?
I'll keep this feeling in my heart
but when you look in my eyes, you will know the truth.

now.define.

2009-02-18T18:48:00.003+08:00

i hava a headache.

too much headache.
too much thinking.
too much to see.
too much to hear.
too much to absorb.
too much to feel.
too much to write.
too much.
im too much.

somebody save me.

2009-02-14T01:39:00.001+08:00

v day.

we're getting wasted. wasted from all this shit.

i wanna wake up in the ocean.

2009-02-14T00:15:00.001+08:00

this just in.
"

"you know where she's going but don't know where she's been as
she push and shove you further away from the idea of love"

"she said she looked so handsome but he stood not dancing,
drawing her in like it's boring to him"

So the weekend of the human race mating season is coming close. It's very ironic that we, being ordinary people, put emotions ahead of ourselves when it comes to partnering.

"I don't love you anymore"
"It isn't the same as before"
"I sacrificed everything for you"
"I would do anything for you"

Do these common phrases ring a bell? What is the idea of love anyway?
I've heard claims that if it doesn't hurt, it is not love. If you look further into that, you'll start to realise that it is absolutely utter rubbish. So if you fall in love with someone, it means that you're being a masochist and you are willing to sacrifice unnecessarily for someone you BARELY know of? And when that feeling ceased of its existence, it is not love anymore?

Sick indeed. Very sick. And it is nature for one to seek pleasure from it. Ugh....

Fucking Lovebirds. "

qouted from szzthevillain.

2009-02-13T23:28:00.003+08:00

never lovers more than friends.

empty vessel makes the most noise. but i'm not empty. 'its empty'. we're 'empty'. and that causes the noise. where are we going with this? what do we have to look forward to? what have we done? what the fuck is this? if only. if only the vessels can talk.
at times like this, how i wish the friendless ghost is around. my pillar of strength.

thank you my love ones.

2009-02-10T19:57:00.003+08:00

eye game.

western painting. one word. awesome. even though the intro of the activity we're doing tire me -_-' we'll never mind that, cause my eyes is always around the room:D with people coming in and out of the irritating-slamming-door. anyway, first term is ending soon and i can't blardy wait! this 'overwhelming' workload is getting off our shoulders real soon. but first, we have pre-historic art final product to worry about. sheeeesh..
never mind that too, cause im looking forward to THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS!! THEY'RE COMING TO TOWN!!! woohoo..gonna be a blast(:

EYE-CANDY:DD

2009-02-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

you're clouding up my mind.

i don't know if i'm to call it off. i caught your last words. i pretended i didn't. now i'm thinking twice. to be or not to be. or maybe i'll give it a shot. it all now depends. stop overreacting. i might go head over heels for you. no assurance.

your prized possession betrayal

2009-02-06T01:31:00.002+08:00

this just in.

i think im having stomach problem. it have always been-_- fuck, why in the midst of the night im blogging about this stomach. nb. side effects of over-the-top-hyper-stressing-after-i-eat-this-orange-my-stomach-grumbles-and-now-i-can-hear-it-grumbling-again syndrome.

2009-02-06T01:17:00.002+08:00

this sucks.

i feel like shit. its not doing good. everyone's laughing but i have to pretend. damn it. this feeling sucks big time.

that night you twitched, i remembered.

2009-02-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

_________ is coming home.

the boys is coming home. soon. not much details from funkycurls though. im freaking excited. a night out of joints and boozes awaits. with or w/o my dear boy.

a part of us is now missing.

2009-02-03T21:50:00.002+08:00

this one just in.

irritated it is to read someone's blog about oneself and his/her boyfriend/girlfriend. yes, we know you're head over heels. but don't need to post it to the public. all that is ever written in that lonesome blog is about you and him/her. snap!snap! get some life.

duh~

2009-02-03T21:35:00.002+08:00

piling up.

assignments after assignments. projects after projects. the piling won't stop.

somebody save me.

2009-02-02T11:41:00.000+08:00

lightning blue.

i'm working on the World Movement.

tag me for support.

2009-01-29T23:16:00.002+08:00

when open inverted comas stays open.

we see. we listen. we feel. we know. but what could we do. because we're all trapped. in this part where we can't reach out. we saw you screaming. for help that never comes. cries of kids that never stops. running. buildings rumbling. the sky's bombing. color black and gray. smokes fill everywhere. cackling of fires. falling of trees. dying from disease. pleading to stop. praying for a new tomorrow.
and all we need to see are changes. and i can't help being concern but not able to do anything about it.

when the dark night glows the brightest orange.

2009-01-27T20:53:00.002+08:00

embrace yourself.

now the mistake is made clear. you were always left in the wrong. you were the mistake. never was others. you're the flaw that covered us. you wasn't thinking. you weren't thinking. you're too self-centered. pushing others up against the wall to get through them. you were always envious. and you were the only mistake you've never known. im now pointing out on you.

look at what you've done.

2009-01-25T18:30:00.003+08:00

but you broke me and i can't feel anything.

it tears me up.to forgive but its not enough to make it all okay.cause the truth hurts and im not in the right state of mind.i cant even convince myself to turn away.we had nothing to lose while we're just on our own.we moved on only to feel something an hour away.side glances.it never works.im telling you something that ain't real.the last night's hangover.

the sun goes down.i feel the light betray me.

2009-01-23T00:07:00.002+08:00

we saw it coming for so long we stare in silence.

yesterday's love still freshly bleeds. an open wound still red. i got sick of this games. its not going to be long before i leave. for now i'll follow you along. before it all falls out.

we let time slips by but we're always back at where we were before.

2009-01-18T21:48:00.005+08:00

taking control.

was home quite early today. the fam had late lunch outside followed by a visit to the hospial. mother's cousin is sick, and she's in a coma now. just had surgery from brain tumor. poor her, but it really moved me to have to look at her like that, all lifeless. sadly, the patient beside her just passed away, and the body was still on the bed, covered by the curtains. the dead's relatives all around the corridor and the ward. some were inside, by her bed, crying their heart out. their loud sobs heard, and me and the fam stood with blank faces watching the nurses bringing out the dead's body from the ward. to the mortuary. sad and scary, but that doesn't stop me and sister playing chop cili chop like some crazy asses afterwards -_-" nb, so inhuman.
NAFA's open house was hectic. running here and there, even though the start of it was really mundane. like waiting for 'customers' to take around the campus. the friday's event is more to school visits. and surprisingly, i was assign to take my ex-secondary school for the tour. yey! had some catch-ups done with the fellow friends that i've met, taking them from floor to floor, into galleries after galleries. man it was hectic. and don't get me started about the elevator cases. ended the day with my favourite people around, getting drunk on mamak's iced milk-tea. saturday got worse, kids came down with their parents and kept on asking things we don't know, like music, dand and etc. so all we did is to blabb them with whatever infos we have and lead them to the lecturer's office. so many people was there, but me and sally left early with the arrival of tasha,linds,kamal,arfake and syahed and hid, wawa,elfy,zan and sasa. lol! off to scape babies! met syaid and his friend fahim. even though i wasn't much into the mood, i tried to lift it off with the best people around me. its been fun my friends, and im thankful to have my path crossed with you guys. swear, i could have never asked for more. even yesterday was quite a heartbreak, i love you guys much(:

how i wish you were there to see me break.
down.

2009-01-13T23:04:00.002+08:00

ahh..achoo?

western painting is awesome. the class is damn small with only ten students, and we were to get our materials ready for next week, where we'll be starting to paint. yes!yes! like finally! mr chng only brief us on the introduction of water colour painting for today, and sure it is alot of information for whatever materials is preferable for painting. and talisa's hostel is damn awesomely cool. random(:

its very disturbing to have flu. wait! im not finished. to have flu in the LEFT PART OF THE NOSE ONLY. whud the fuck right?! and its not mucus for god's sake. its water dripping out from the left part of the nose and having like something stuck in your throat. fishcake! its just the second day of school, and falling sick already?! aiyah!

and sally and me decided to join the chingay 2009 floor parade. stationed along cityhall, we're involved for three days only. but it's yet to be confirmed, lets see how it goes(:

joining stars

2009-01-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

we believe its true.

first day of school turned out quite well. despite the draggy 2 hours lecture, we made it through. and window shopping afterwards at marina. that tetek fiee wants to look for stuffs to shop and so we round the whole of marina, but she end up with no idea what to look for. but i still enjoyed every bit of it, wishing i have all the cash to get whatever i want. (dream on hud..remember what mother says???!) and so we got tired and end up at mcd catching up. ohyes, wawa was telling us about how she got into an 'accident'. it was damn hilarious, cause she got the metal barricade thing pierced into her right foot at zoukout! hahahaha!! we were laughing our ass off when she told us that but got so damn squirmish when she told us how the wound looked like; LASAGNE?!!?!? we were like what the fuck?? crazy it is she didnt feel the pain of it and even have time dancing until she realized her foot feels wet, finding her right foot all soaked in blood. and dont even get me started how she tell us about the stitching part, man i could go all jelly....!
on the way home, fiee, nuzzy and myself were talking about the world and the aftermath. aftermath? what the fuck...the hereafter. its disturbing somehow when we talk about this. and the scientist predicted the world is coming to an end in 2012, that is in 3 years time. goodness.. fate can;t be predicted, and so we can't just ignore this and we can't also over-react. the thing is, for now, do what is right and try not to fall out from what we've learnt. i guess i need to understand the holy pillars again. its been sometime since i touch the praying mat.

slap myself awake, i need to wake up.

2009-01-11T14:59:00.002+08:00

like a flower, it withers over time.

i had fun yesterday, despite the cancelled gig over at rp. headed over to bestie's and off we went to meet the rest at DG. accompanied by the "white niggas", tasha, elfy and zan and bestie herself. it was one hell of a night. to end the day, with dan on the cell singing lullabies. sweeeet way to end off the school holidays. tomorrow im getting back on track for school! can't wait (:

over coffee and tea we had biscuits

2009-01-10T17:51:00.002+08:00

aiming fire.

its been sometime since the last post. no reason why, i just hate the net at times, kills my vision-_-' the two days teambuilding camp in school has been great. awesome i say! had great fun with new friends made along the way, and we totally bond. can't wait for the open house. and since im here, i'd like to promote NAFA's open house. grins. kental i know, but whatever. meet me there bitches.

sher-long-kang(:

2009-01-07T16:18:00.003+08:00

this war. its crazy.

having to read up on war and bombings after bombings on the newpaper is getting frustrating. its like getting an update on the toll number of deaths and how the war is progressing. it feels like shit to have innocent lives killed at the other side of the earth and not having to be able to do anything about it. latest readings is about a few UN-runned school being bombed. fucking shit. there's kids in there. what the fuck is wrong with these people, killing like there's nothing better to do. this ain't no 'battlefield'. fucking shit. for once, you people are insane. and worst, their only lifeline to the outside world was cut-off yesterday when a blardy bomb hit it. to be honest, hitler should be thanked. not discriminate. fuck you sin-heads.

im locking myself up for god knows why.

2009-01-02T23:54:00.002+08:00

daniel made me brain-dead talking about fruits and nuts. to be exact, i fell asleep.

xoxo nincompoop!

2009-01-02T00:17:00.002+08:00

2009

this year i celebrated new year's eve outside. well, not at the comfort of home like i usually did for the past few years. i had this year's at the usual spot where all the crowd will turn themselves at, city hall. what's a better way to start off the new year than watching live fireworks! not that i've been watching it mostly on the tv for the past few years -_-" right, so the initial plan was to pasir ris but plans was diverted and i met linds and get our ass to cityhall to meet the 'usual' people. as usual, they were late, but tried so hard to cover themselves up from being late,well..they're still late! ok, whatever whatever. we then we unusually settle ourselves in the middle of nowhere, outside starbucks marina. and i saw ELFY!! and ANDY!! excited!! its been so long since we last met, gee im so psyched! did some catching up:) okok, this post is getting boring. lets cuts short. after the powerful fireworks, we head to where ever and yes, i got home. no i didn't stayed overnight-_- and im so bored, i cnt get to sleep for god knows why.

so,its the start of a new year. say, a start of something new. maybe, a part of me here and there will stay but for sure things have to change. i guess you'll have to be the change if you wants to see one. (?!? wtfuck am i talking here?!?) lets see, 2008 has been a great memory. getting into a new school as a freshie, meeting great people on the way, awesome people for friends and companion, turning eighteen, legally legal?!?, having fun. everything's great, but along the way i've learned a few things in life. as we grow older, we see things in a different way, and nothing can stop us from that except for ourselves. having fun was my greatest challenge. i guess, being having fun is a way for you to care about those around you, to think of consequences, not having to jump start like i did, and to think before acting. being a dumbass at a point of just striking eighteen surely made me think. and i believe there's always ways to turn yourself towards something positive. and you have to lead yourself to it. so here come 2009. ready. set. go!! live your life baby! with limits:)

oh boy, you make me wanna beat myself all over.

2008-12-26T18:02:00.002+08:00

we were once stronger than this.

finally, had the registration for semester two done. decided to take up western painting for cross-disciplinary elective since printmaking classes is already full. and got the tuesday morning slot since there's no class on that day. so, yeah(: can't wait for the start of semester two. oh, anyway, im kind of involved in this teambuilding thing for school sometime during the second week of january and might stay-over in school for the thing though. lets see what's going to happen when 2009arrives. sheeesh, im feeling so lazy with this cold, sleepy weather going on everyday. anyway, work was great yesterday. since its xmas, and our pay got doubled. very psyched(: so, the crowd wasn't bad at all, not tooo crowded but just nice. atleast there's customers to attend to every now and then is good enough for me. and so after all the cleaning up the crew had a 'mini dinner'.lol! nothing beats eating leftovers with the raddest crew around. despite the very spicy-chilli-padi dishes that got my insides fired up, we had lots of fun talking nonsense?!? and thanks to the fiery dishes, my stomach got real bad and i have to go report to the toilet every now and then -_-"

dear friend, why so serious? if it wasn't meant to be. be it. for we have our own ways, and lets not get entangled in this mess that you're trying to start. it's better off this way and i like all the things you said. but. im still searching. searching a part for you to be taken in. in here. let time tell where we should be. for now we're no more than friends, a well-known stranger(:

2008-12-25T15:36:00.002+08:00

merry xmas!

i have a blank mind on.
i have nothing to think about.
no shit to worry.
and this is frustrating.
i need to think.
calling for something new.
run over something's done overdue.
shit.
this sucks.
but look at the brighter side.
the year's coming to an end.
less than a few weeks we're counting.
so fret not, changes coming.
be patient.
surprises awaiting.

2008-12-19T02:09:00.002+08:00

second post for tonight. the reason is because im freaking boring and the phone's isn't communicating like it use to tonight. must be an early night today. heh. atleast im chatting, so yeah. what do i have in mind.. okay, new year's eve celebration. i need suggestions! well, so far a friend has suggested going to the floating platform thing that's gonna held some celebration thing. but, nah. too formal, where there's shows and you have to sit and stare at whatever's going on onstage. boring! chilling will be more of the idea. lets all go to where we can see the fireworks. well, an awesome display of fireworks is a way to start off the new year. and i still have resolutions to question myself. and fam will held a one night thing and some random park during the very-off-very-weird hours to talk about the upcoming years and all. just like we did every year end. boring huh?! but its cool, i love late night outings. so, considered excused. for now, i need to think of them resolutions..
maybe i'll go with..

1) to earn bucks for repeat module. (fck shitzxzxzx!)
2) concentrate during class in whatever condition. -_-"
3) no more late night stay-ups. (this one no promises)
4) stop puffing already!
5) start drinking already! (no!no!im bluffing!)
6) keep my hair long. (?!?!?!?!?!)
7) no boys allowed. (bullshitzxzxzx. im not turning gay la!)
8) oh! read more books.
9) do the comic thing project! (oh yes!yes!)
10) be nice to mother and especially father. (respect.respect.)

this is about only what i can think off. does the number goes by priority anyway? oh who cares. but if it does, number 1 will stay put. but 10 definitely need to be brought up. lol! eh, who says im disrespectful?? i just need to IMPROVE. yeah, that's the word. (:

2008-12-19T00:28:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACE DEAR!!

finally a day spent at home with no distraction. i really don't know what to plan for the future, what with 2008 coming to end end in less than a month's time. well, about 2 more weeks to be exact. err, correction. LESS than two weeks. and holiday trip is cancelled, thanks to brother and his idiotic self. nevermind, he promised me a trip to the movies this coming week and a trip to phuket sometime next year. hopefully, everything will go on okay and may the plans be fulfilled! lol! im sooo looking forward to the thailand trip, and brother is so dead if it wont turn up alright. i was thinking of coming up with a series of comic. haha! its kind of random, but mother always reminds me to go for what plays the best interest in one's heart. and illustration is what i look up to now. drawing always keeps me busy for hours, never mind the food and stuffs. it just keeps me going. not taking note of whatever around me. and i got a main character ready to be sketched for a comic strip. just need to do more research i think. and again, a friend says, there's so much your heart desire, how far would you go to reach for it? and yes, i question myself that too. heh.

so long suckers!

2008-12-18T01:01:00.002+08:00

oh so tired. finally a day off tomorrow(:
got to do some catching up very soon, im starting to miss the weekend outings.
and im stuck with someone who has nuts for brain.
this is random. say, does anyone even misses the periodic table from secondary school, or even composition??! -_-"

2008-12-17T00:41:00.002+08:00

dailys.

ohyes, so i thought of getting a new job for the holidays and maybe get lucky for more fulus. so, i decided to tag along my brother and his friend for some flyer distributing thing. the job goes like this, you have to go house to house of every blocks and put them flyers on those gates. it wasn't much of a hassle but its like exercising. since we have to start off at punggol, its quite tough to cover the whole of punggol in a week. well, ridiculous actually. this week is rather tight with the flyers job in the morning, a 3 hours rest at home and continuing with my usual job from six till closing. well, RT isn't that bad since its the holidays season and we usually get to hit the sales target these few days. despite the draggy wait for customers. the crew has been great too supporting one another despite the very sucky management. i was thinking of holding on to the job for some time now, but guess what, they're going to close down that outlet im working in and moving on to a new one at clementi. the whole of us decided to get a new job and leave the running of the outlet to its sucky management. work yesterday is quite interesting with the crew talking about marriage. since my manager is getting ehem, older, by the years and did not want to get married but wants a child of her own, they were fussing to her to get married and stuffs. and out of the blue, my collegue, zai came and ask me this, "huda, what's the ideal age for a girl to get married?" i got quite startled so i questioned if he's planning to get married anytime soon. before giving him any chances of answering to my question, i asked him how old is he. 18. and he answers so seriously, "i'm thinking.."..sheesh! zai is very weird yesterday..haha! and we had our usual dinner after that. and yes, im hooked to mister mystery's daily jokes. oh madness!

ily jigsaw.

2008-12-15T02:00:00.001+08:00

what is that we had to take us further than what we have now.
i give you this to answer.
if going on means sacrificing what we have seen.
best we bury all grudges deep under our feets.
and time will tell if something needs attention.
for they teaches us the definition of patience.
all it needs now is some space to breathe.

and i hope it turns out well.

2008-12-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

camping triiip.

everything turns out to be fine despite the very strong wind that almost cause the tent to fly away. first day was great, and as usual i have to be the one to start the fire on the charcoal and do the barbeque while the rest helps in keeping their stomach full -_-". ohwell, even that i have to keep guard at night accompanied by the awesome cousins when my lappy's batt finally died after an hour. had a great time talking about animals(?!), ghosts, experiences and we had ourselves to scare on the way to the toilet at about 2 in the morning. at the shade nearby ours, lying asleep is this man who clad himself in a long white cloth. god! all of us screamed and that kind of startled him and those nearby.heh! silly. we all fell asleep eventually lying on the open mat under the dark shady trees. waking up to the morning sunlight, we got ourselves changed and off we get into the high tide sea water. awesome i say, but after that i got sunburnt. sheesh. it hurts so bad and now im a tone darker. nice -_-. after cleaning up, i decide to take a short nap cause my head was hurting so badly while the rest had their lunch under the shade. so, i was lying by the shade's pillar falling asleep when a sudden rush of heavy rain poured in. all of us got drenched! the wind was blowing way too hard that the rain got the best of us. all the bags and evrything there got wet. and i was just asleep a second ago, waking up all drenched in rain water! hmph! then there's like a mini pool around our shade where the rain water collect and it feels like just getting out of the shower again. and whatever's dried is back wet again. we got so fed up, wwe decided to pack up and got home. home sweet home. now every part of me as aching, and i've been sleeping more than before. the fam is switching to chalet next year instead of camping. yey them! but i'm still stuck with the 'barbeque-er' task. FISHCAKE!

one night only

2008-12-09T03:28:00.002+08:00

3:28 am.

its getting cold in here with the air-con on. and im not even halfway asleep. mother and father is getting all excited for the annual camping trip. surprisingly, they had a whole list of stuffs all written down on a nice clean sheet of white paper. father even gone to get an inflated air bed. and i am freaking moodless for all this. all i want to do now is lock myself up, kill time sleeping, not thinking of whatever i have in mind, and do lots and lots of drawing. and sadly, its getting to the mid month soon, and im still jobless. shit, i need to save up. there's so much thing to do in time to come. and mother keeps on reminding i have to work for what i want. yes, thank you. i so need that -_-'

2008-12-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

this just sucks.

looking back to what we've done, i should have not got myself involved in the first place. what the fuck was i thinking. i shouldn't have let you start talking. what the fuck was i thinking. now i don't even know what i want from this. fuck. this just sucks.

2008-12-07T01:24:00.002+08:00

the late-
grasping breath..
prayers followed..
around her they recite..

the sister-
lying wide awake..
tossing and turning..
her heart heavy..

the late-
calling for her..
she wants her near..
her request followed..

the sister-
head spinning..
she fell asleep..
waking to the call for prayers..

the late-
seeks forgiveness..
gasping for dear life..
her eyes clouding with tears..

the sister-
reciting her prayers..
"i clear all grudges against her.."
"god, let her go.."

the late-
at her last breath..
she passed on..

on her death bed. her wish fulfilled.

2008-12-05T01:04:00.006+08:00

i will never let you fall, i'll stand up for you forever, i'll be there for you through it all, even though saving you sends me to heaven.. - RJA, your guardian angel. sounds like graduation

2008-12-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

checked out the new sports complex at anchorvale and went for a swim with bestie. the long pipe slide scares the hell out of me and i dont wish to be on in the next time i go for a swim there. yes, im scared(: lol. hanging out with monster later on at starbucks. came by some secondary school friends, faris and khairul:D long time its been since i last saw them. oh, outings with them soon and still thinking of places to go. cant wait(: im currently figuring out this photoshop thing. its brushes and all. oh, hurts the brain. planning ahead, im enrolling for highway code tomorrow with brother. i think, if he's in a good self. im missing school and its company. period.

2008-12-03T00:30:00.002+08:00

another daily story.

overslept again due to the late night laughs from the very hilarious japanese game show. great time i had laughing my ass off with sister and brother and with daniel on the phone. irritating it seems, he makes a good companion. lol. and cause mother made me wait for her to come home so late, i left her to meet up with bestie and monster. awesome people. well. was suppose to get to work, but the rain dragged me to laze and instead of heading to work, i spent half a day crapping nonsense about 'abang bodys' with them. lol. and i had jellies, minus the part where those two kept on staring at me eating them. nincompoop..

and more hangout later at starbucks with fiee and nuzzy. and add on to nurul's cousin that was also there too. and nurul herself and friend melissa. oh, a good day(: can't wait for tomorrow!

2008-12-02T01:51:00.002+08:00

a working day. no hassle. just so relaxed. not tired. just a little bored. the crew makes good dinner company. exceptional, the spicy dishes. heeh. nincompoop is awake and amoroused?? madness. this is chaotic. lol!

2008-11-30T23:23:00.002+08:00

its been some fun for sometime and im going head over heels for someone due to some unlikely reason.madness(:

2008-11-27T15:29:00.008+08:00

wind.wave.water.

a day spent by the beach with my best people around. excess food. long long bicycle rides. drizzling. pit stop. heavy downpour. snapshots. stories. laughing. minah rempits. "ice cream/scream! i cream/scream!" "i ride my bike with no handlebars..no handlebars.." gelare. long walks. bus rides. and not to forget, all our aching body, aching tighs, aching muscles, heavy eyes. all from the much fun we had together:D

and again, the famhas to drag me to granny's and to fetch brother. pit stop to changi village for their dinner. and still! a walk at changi beach to look for good spots for the yearly BBQ pit/camping trip. oh-so-tiring.

how bout swimming this time?

2008-11-25T00:52:00.002+08:00

this particular dream disturbs me.
involving a guy.
a girl.
and his 'light stick'.

do you figure??

2008-11-23T15:29:00.002+08:00

long one. here goes..

a visit to my previous primary school that thursday to get sister's results. ohmy. it has really been long since i stepped in the place, the last time was way way back in secondary one. walking around, wasn't much of a change, just the change of wall colours, bright loud posters and banners hanging all around the school. oh, i miss this. and had a chat with the school dentist, which stays the same way back when i was schooling there. first thing she talks to me, about teeth and gums. (my mind went like WTH?!?) and claims my teeth is doing fine. (ohokay, so random. long time no see, and you're talking about my teeth now?!?!) well, since she's been nice to me when i was schooling here, i give her a pass with her not-so-needed convo. and guess what, she so gladly invite me in her clinic to have a quick check-up on my set of teeth. call that cool or weird?! you take the pick.

and since brother wasn't working on friday, we decide to go on a night ride and yes!with funkycurls. i found him with no hair this time, he had it cut really short, so only little bristles is what he has on his head. haha! anyways, when asked why the new hairdo, he blames the wheather. well, i thought the thick curlies might keep you warm during these rainy seasons. he just reply me with a blank stare. whatever, no more funkycurls for you. heh. so, we had food at the railway station and they spent a holy time getting booze and fag over at some nearby 7eleven after much deciding to club or to chill. next thing i knew, so many cans/bottles around us. and i have a hard time trying to feel my throat. swear upon whatever-i-can-swear-upon, i won't never go out with them on a friday night again. i have no idea their term of 'club' and 'chill' turned out to have no difference. morons.

i have to keep my fingers crossed for a job at little art bug. i was so happy when i got their email yesterday after elfie told me to check my mail. stupidly, i never even thought they would sent a reply through mail. so, thanks elfie for the reminder! happily waiting for the email to load, turned out they need me to resend my resume as my files format cant be opened. so, i sent them another one by notepad. gosh! i cant wait. and i need to rearrange my portfolio and update on the sketches. mother talked me out on signing up some street art classes at scape if they have one. yes mother. im up for it. but before anything, i need to sign up for licence next week. still considering bike or car. mother agrees on bike, so to save transportation money and more convenient for school since im still 18. ohwell, we'll see. we'll see what father has to say.
this sums up for the past days of not updating. must be long huh? heh.

2008-11-19T23:12:00.002+08:00

by the river.

woke up early again today. first and the last day of this telemarketing job. lol. its so darn boring, having to seat there with one hand on the phone the other holding a pen. even though it pays quite well, i hate the feeling of calling up random stranger asking for information and talking to them like no one's business. me, fie and elfie only make it through the first 3 hours, when we got off for break. we really get out of there, not turning back. sorry, just not my cup of tea. so we got food, hang around, talk crap, got back to school for the internet, whoa at the exibition, communicating while doing business in the toilet, walk under a small umbrella under the rain. all in a day's routine. and my ipod have to act like shit when need to open up documents in there. i need a job and im crossing my fingers on this one. okay, sister's psle results tomorrow and mother wants me to go collect it with her. im nervous like fuck. no reason why, which is kind of weird cause its her results. not mine. haha! im so self-centered.lol.

another tomorrow.

2008-11-18T23:07:00.003+08:00

last few months counting.

where will it bring us. i don't know, i have no answer. when will time tell that everything's okay. i have no idea, i not dare to predict. but its been draggy ever since, and i would like to let it free. for i have not trigger you. tell me, what did i do?

a day well spent(:

2008-11-18T00:04:00.002+08:00

semester one down.

exams over. presentation done. the end of semester one is finally here. hiphip hooray!?! well, i don't really have the 'over-the-moon' feeling about this. reason is bacause its going to be a very long-draggy-more-than-one-month-until-january vacation. dang. seems like just yesterday when i fill in the application form for school. time runs soo fast. and its going to be long till the class have meet-ups and sorts. everyone's on holidays and i so need a rewind from all the hassle around me. since that was the reason i gave mother, i told her about having a day trip or probably a one night stay at bintan resort. sounds nice she said, and so she made me look up for the ferry ride fares and all the other stuffs. turned out auntie wants to go there too. so, maybe an all-girls holiday this time. since father has to work, and brother can't take anymore leaves for december cause its overly booked. as for younger brother..i guess i'll just get mother to dump him off at gramdma's. lol. even so, we have yet to confirm about the trip. pending.pending. so, anyone want to spent a day long by the beach with white sands and pretty waves, join me. the more the merrier they said(: good news! good news! i might get a job soon! *grins.grins.* still, everything is on pending mode now. i guess there's something wrong with me, i can't really sleep for these few days, spending the night with sammie here. but once i look at the time, it scares me, not realizing how fast time flies. without me knowing its already way way way past midnight. then i get panicky, cause i know i have to wake up so very early the next day. so, time-check now and then. and..i now remember i have to wake up early tomorrow. heh.

the new 'jonas'

2008-11-16T20:49:00.002+08:00

OHMYGOD!!!! THE FLIGHT CREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *JUMPING FOR JOY!!*

2008-11-16T19:13:00.002+08:00

another day passes by.

finally im done with my slides for tomorrow's presentation(: all thumbs up! and i hope everything will go well tomorrow during the presentation with my fellow group members. i couldn't sleep well last night, so i spent the time on sammie till 5am. surprisingly, i got up rather early at eleven this noon. so weird. oh, so i came across 'glamour kills' online store. yes, i've been there before, but i this time i got my eyes glued to this limited edition hoodie they're selling for winter season. well, even though there's no winter season in singapore, we definitely have rainy season. and yes, its the rainy season nowadays. so,getting my hands on that hoodie does come in handy yeah(: my intension was to look for pictures for my slideshow, but somehow i sidetracked and went to browse on some online stores. this one at thailand is currently selling a blue mcbeth sneakers!! GOSH! and its so freaking pretty cause its in my favourite colour! *makes facial expression* after converting and calculating the exchange rate and all, it cost about 150++ sing dollars to get it shipped over and all. ohmy..so awesome.. i was thinking of asking brother or father for it, but it is so very impossible to get a green light from them man.. *bangs head on wall* so i need to work now. like by this week?! haha..oh..i need fulus baby..many of them(: lastly, thank you to my dear friends and bestie for making my day yesterday. you guys is the SEX! and..thank you Daniel..whoever/where-ever you are at yesterday. lol.

i see you.you saw me?

2008-11-16T03:39:00.000+08:00

ok best.

bright lights shining.
black white. black white.
loud music playing.
the running of the guitar keys.
the loud beatings of the drums.
screaming vocals.
the crowd roar to the calling.
adrenaline rushing.
moving to the tunes.
pushing the crowd everywhere.
this is the best show ever.

baby, its already four in the morning.
so put down the phone after our goodbyes.

2008-11-13T22:41:00.002+08:00

we are the ones we are running from.

our paths crossed
side glancing not catching your glare
i know you're there
we know our presence around
so when i fall from there
you don't have too look
you'll just walk away
denying you know me.

2008-11-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

this is what happen when you have a webcam on your laptop. fiee is very retarded. very very retarded indeed. and im so fussed up on autocad, i guess i'll give up if i go blank tomorrow. shites!

2008-11-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

one down. three to go.

music is finally over! gyeahh... what a relief. left with autocad, microecons and oral communication. good grief. econs is suck a worry, im still stuck at chapter 2. and still, i can have myself thinking of what to spend on with my "future-pay". lol. im not even near getting a job and already thinking of fulus. wtheck. catch-up with funkycurls. update him all about school and stuffs, and mostly about on a hunt looking for a job. well, he did come up with some ideas i have in mind, since i like to be occupied during working hours, he suggested some admin stuffs, sentosa, end-year/christmas atrium, and the never-ending fnb line. since im still considered 'working' under ramen ten but always going MIA, i guess i want a job from a different line. and after all those suggestions and all, he came up with some stupit theory of how to earn big bucks. you'll always be working even though after your holidays when you'll school in the morning. being my dumb self, i was so eager to know what kind of job it is, he came up with 'working on the lanes'. still, i am so fucking blur i kept on asking him about it, only realising him laughing after our whole conversation. what a kuku! too bad you were'nt there during cousin's wedding the past sunday, or you would just have your ass kicked. faggot!
p/s; if even you can't get what kind of job he's talking about, you also kuku!

soft concrete

2008-11-10T22:14:00.003+08:00

tired.

im currently still in school stuck with music. music test tomorrow and i kind of got the hang of it somehow. things are perking up. but im so freaking tired trying to jam in knowledge in this head. gosh. only a week to go. hold on(:

2008-11-10T01:25:00.002+08:00

open up your eyes to the finer things in life.
you'll see through me.
you'll see through me.

break open from the nutshell you're trapped inside.
you'll see through me.
you'll see through me.

walk out from the picture you've been in.
you'll see through me.
you'll see right through me.

2008-11-08T00:36:00.002+08:00

where did we go wrong.

im getting sick of this. everytime when it get to times like this, where assignments are pilling and pressure on exams are rising, father always have to worsen the situation. for the slightest reason, for the smallest mistakes. having to stay up late in school to finish up assignments makes him go berserk. mother has done her part of passing on the message of what is going on. still, he has to react in those way. shouting to mother over the phone. put the blame on her. using unappropriate words on her. threaten her. just what the hell does he think she is?! screw it. selfish. fucking selfish. self-centered. i hate to see mother caught in this kind of situation. it sucks. why treat her that way? what so wrong has she done to him that he has to treat her that way? its sick to have this done over and over again. arguments. shoutings. beatings. threatening. nagging.
so sick of this, i do not know how to react. its like a daily schedule. but it hurts me so bad to have mother being treated this way. all the time. it just sucks. this sucks.

2008-11-05T21:45:00.001+08:00

breezes from the night sky.
the cold wind's blowing.
sitting apart like never before.
the heart fast beating.
bitting lips enduring anger.
the taste of blood lingering.
sound blares from a voice-box.
the other starts crying.
hands on the forehead looking down.
the tears dripping.
standing up walking away to leave.
the sound from a pair of feet running.
lips apart to speak stopped abruptly.
the pair of hands hugging.
heart against heart thumping hot and cold.
the hot pulled away leaving.
falling to the floor hands covering face full of tears.
the love once defined happiness is dying.

for once was...

'lies embeded in your wounds, i'll stitch it up for you. i'll stitch it up for you. and it'll leave a scar after.'

2008-11-05T00:31:00.002+08:00

was suppose to be at granny's, but a change in plans. i enjoyed the crazy talk with my favourite girls; wawa and fiee. initially, was suppose to go for a job interview, but i ditched it and sidetracked to hanging out with the girls. it went on and on till after 8. just sitting down and sharing our silly childhood stories. man, it was hillarious! lol. things in school is perking up real good. and visual arts exam is finally over. i aced it! yeyey! but, arts management exam got quite sucky, and i just jot down whatever i have in the notes that is somehow related to the topic and all. im in deep shit with music and econs. oh! don;t forget autocad. geez. and all along i thought mr ho is making us draw the lighting line thing for our finals, turned out fiee said there were 3 of them. some other light things too. gosh. how could i get sooo lost. anyway, autocad's assignment on truss is not done yet, and i still have quite a long way to go. for now, i need to look for a job for the 7 weeks long break, and i need fulus baby! fulus!

cupid's chokehold

2008-11-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

the best of both world.

woke up to the blaring of hannah montana's 'best of both world' from little sister's handphone alarm. oh irritating! and it was soo damn loud. turned out, that woke me up, but not her who's nearer to the handphone. man, so idiotic. anyway, i overslept, so, thanks hannah montana(: did some cleaning up and forced to do chores by mother even though i have to study for my exams tomorrow. oh, exams! i hate this. its this time of the schooling period, where you have to crack your brains and burn midnight oil just to get good grades so you could get through to the next semester. no problem with cracking brains, but now an issue with burning midnight oil. not getting a full 7 hours of sleep makes me moody/giddy the next day. ohmy. how to go through like this?! anyway, managed to run through the first few topics on Visual Arts for the day with the lovely ladies; Nurul,Fiee and Nusrah. even though, we kind of lost it in the middle and came out with 'something' that interest us more. lol! 'TGIF' here we come(: initially, i wanted to join sera and the rest at the airport, but it was raining so heavily and i need to save ride concession for tomorrow's school. and and!! i am stuck at my music report due tomorrow. and i have yet to finish reading through visual arts. and! i have not even turn my vision towards my arts management notes. nice one or what?! shitzxzxzxz

a thing or two you fucking owe me

2008-11-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

everyone around me is so engrossed in Formula 1. its the 'new soccer' for them. Oh, since when. and i can't blardy study visual arts. i've spent 2 solid hours writting back down the scribbly notes i struggled writting during Kay's super-fast lecture. end up, i have nothing up in the head, only the name of Mesapotamia-Iran and Persia-Iraq. why, why, why is this suppose-to-function brain is NOT WORKING!! man, must get it work by tomorrow. no time to waste. visual arts and arts management exams on tuesday! goshh. i'll be wishing myself luck by then if the brain continues to hibernate. fcuk.
and i need sleep. now. the noise from the racing cars suddenly sounds like lullaby to me~

2008-11-02T01:31:00.000+08:00

if only walls could talk.

lunch with the mates are awesome. there's always something to talk about and eventually we'll end up in fits of laughter. today, sehaimi aka elfie fell. from a 'kiddy machine'?! you know, that cartoonish machine that will move with some silly music blaring when you put 20/50 cents in it. because we wanted to have prata at a well-known indian coffeeshop, and it was packed. so the guy estimated to wait for 5 minutes before we got our seats as the place is packed. and elfie wants a ride on the 'doraemon-machine'.lol! the whole machine literally fell on him, and we just stood there staring and laughing at the sillyness. what a nice scene. lmao:D

silver string at arts house earlier on. it got quite draggy at the start, as we didnt need to clean up much. turned out we just have to paste some stickers on the seats for seats indication. so we have lots of time to kill. just sitting around. and i was already getting so very sleepy, the sofa-like seats in the chamber just keeps on calling me. haha! well, overall everything turned out great as there's no problem in the upper chamber where sera,sally and me were stationed. minus the part sally and me had to stand for the first half of the performance before the intermission. and i was stoning like hell. the best part was during the second half, where the three of us got to seat and watch the performance. man, i swear i could feel myself dozing off. lucky thing the performance went quite quick. phew. father and mother called to fetch me as they were already at sembawang and intend to get food for the siblings at home. a fast game of packing up and we're out of art house. so damn freaking tired. these few days, i've been so lethargic, all i wanna do is sleep. and no idea why i got soo hungry today, i had 2 servings of rice. whoa,a first!! and i wanna go doze off now, as cousin is bringing us out for breakfast tomorrow morning! yeyness(:

fuck you bitch

2008-10-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

dear.

everything's much different after apologises exchanged. since we had family time last night, being 'matured' for once i said sorry to father. for mother's sake. and for the family. hopefully, this will strengthen the bonds between us family. surprisingly, i felt really good after that. finally, everything is good and we're in talking terms. then mother has to complain that i have been too laid back these days. stopped making them laugh like morons. stopped having meals together. stopped sharing stories. well, school is running my life now, what's with the upcoming exams. and i'm still rather lost in autocad. and confused with the microecons. blurred by music, even though i'm starting to get the hang of it. finally, arthur's class is so over! we had our last ppt test just now, and i've already pass that module. yayness, one down and a few more to go.
its Ewan's birthday today! and i had much fun at his birthday party over at pasir ris awhile ago with his loud awesome relatives:D very very enthusiastic people they are!sadly, me and sha have to leave early due to work and school the next morning. anyway, HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY REDZWAN!!!!
lastly, get well soon Nurul! its the virus, its everywhere.

saw you saw me.

2008-10-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

random.

im thinking this. as the parents wants to move out soon sometime near early next year, ive got mother's approval to do whatever i want to with my room. i picture a gallery. displays of captured moments on camera, 'pop art' own paintings, collage and more collage. a plain wallpaper will do if im gonna have to hang frames and frames of pictures on the walls. our next location i'll call hometown will be likely somewhere in bedok/eunos/pasir ris/tampines/woodlands/yishun. and im fine with anywhere, perhaps somewhere near NAFA will be good. and a bigger room for me as my stuffs are pilling up. picture my current study desk. laptop,study light,cover-up plastic compartments,books,paintbrushes in a glass,boxes of paints,photo-frames,lotion/perfumes/creams,figurines and two coin boxes. now, picture my current window grill. a hanging 'peace' sign, a hooked=on furby, miniature teddy bears, a headphone, butterfly pins, soap bubbles in a tube and more figurines. all hung up on the window grill. so in time to come, more will be added to these when i moved in to a new home. still, father is giving me black faces everytime we crossed paths. irritating it seems, let time takes it cause. cause im no longer bothered to look into a fifity-year-old man's point of view. call them murtured. hah!

the best day i had can?

2008-10-29T01:05:00.002+08:00

on thinking cap.

mother is by my side, talking. not nagging. and she now starts to nag. damn. well, a bit about life here and there. and mother says, father wants an apology. its been 4 days since me and father never laid eye on one other. and, seriously it feels like shit. to avoid his presence, pretending he is never there, even though we're under the same roof. and mother says, i have a head as hard as a rock. to put it easier, hard-headed. fine, i shall rest my case. things in school is slowly starting to perk up, and im trying my best to feel good about everything. even though small gestures i notice pulls me down. its hard for a start. and that everything now is rather awkward for me. i have close friends which is getting apart. and sadly, im not alone. someone in the same boat, we row together. and they say, friends come and go. but i disagree. but theres a song where it says the word "bestfriend" was redefined. ok, whatever with whatever im blabbering about. i just want things to work out like it had the first time we shake hands, introducing ourselves to one another. that getting to know each other process. the sincere hugs when we bid our goodbyes. the sincere smiles and laughter whenever the laughing gas got into us. all the usual happiness. make it come back. for now, case close.
a fast day in school, even though we had 3 hours of visual arts with Kay. then music lesson at 3 with Mr Lim. music lessons is getting more interesting as weeks go by. minus the part where i'll just go BLANK whenever mr lim write some exercises on the board for us. met up Shahidah GF, for some 'serious' shopping at vivo. got ewan's stuff for his birthday and more stuffs for Sha herself. she's all about flowers today, and i bet she bought 1/4 of the shop's 'flower-headband/accessorise' collection.lol. and i bumped into TASHA LEE!!!!!! she is one happykid!! :D
went for the purnama short film thing with wawa, jen and a few of their other friends at O school. the climb up was as usual, really triggers our kneecaps/knee/feel/leg. but overall, the films today is really touchy and funny. espacially "sunat"! the little boy is sooooo cute!:D as in kiddy cute, not the 'other' definition of cute.ahaa... and jen is cute in the "aku melayu" film..she cant stop swearing whenever her face got onto the screen.lol!! oh the films, TWO THUMBS UP! AWESOME! not to mention i saw some familiar faces there.heh.

now, i am the last to know.

2008-10-23T22:01:00.004+08:00

dont pretend.

i dont know where i went wrong. is to prioritize school wrong, or must we follow our lazyness due to being sick more important. i rather put school first. and what is soo wrong about it, until you got fcuked-up about being too much about school. father is being unreasonable. for all it means, i fucking hate him. thank you so much for swearing and going physical on me. just for the reason that i need medication due to the worsening condition and an MC for an afternoon lesson i've missed. if he thinks shouting and beatings might change me, it wont. i'll only rebel. who the fcuk likes to get scolded bacause of school. what with the upcoming exams and there's so much revision to do. plus, this condition i am in. the worst father said is for me to stop schooling and to start working. which fcuking parent discourage their children from schooling. the fcuking father. all you think is yourself. you dont give a shit how the other family members feels. and we're suppose to fcuking care about you. only you. how much more selfish can you get. for goodness sake, yes you're the head of the family, but what are we? animals?! you're so screwed up. you prioritize yourself before all of us. even your own blood. you'll act sincere, but start to rake up the past whenever something get on your nerves. everyone have to care for your feelings. even grandma. you even pick a fight with her a year ago. just because she made her own decision for herself. you're fcuking selfish. and i fcuking hate you. for all i know, you have made me who i am now, and im not going to turn back ever. the more you hate it, the more i'll do it. fcuk your feelings. why must i care, when you dont give a shit of how i feels. and hey friend, i see you found someone to lean on. and im no longer there.

2008-10-21T22:01:00.002+08:00

daily schedule

it has been a looong day in school. started classes a 9, but me and fiee came about half an hour after that. lol. still, class ends at 11, with microecons taking over visual arts for an hour. gladly, mr foo has to drag the time and leave us with a half an hour lunch break before we head to arts management at 1. and followed by music awareness till 5. damn. it was sooo hectic. surprisingly, i was awake for the entire lecture thrughout the day. lmao! even though i felt the tense with the usual people around me, i 'll tell myself everything is alright. sorry if im a little ignorant/distracted. i just dont know how to position myself properly. oh, im having the moody season again. fcuk. the journey back home is awesome. food with wawa and shaz. met up with fiee and nurul. i had a hell out of a life with them. nurul just can't stop being hilarious! she was telling us her experience when she went clubbing with some of her friends, and how they were acting when they got drunk. and her hilarious rabbit stories. ohmy! she's so so HILARIOUS! chilled with fiee awhile back before heading home. okay, im sure everything is good. even though im running a temperature. grrrr. funkycurls has been a pain in the ass. since he's flying to sydney again for some kind of school he's enrolling, he has to insult me. he thinks 'whore' is a nice word to say. stupit ass. if im a whore, you're a slut. for i dont care if you're a guy and you can't be one. im so labelling you a man-slut. and you're gonna get it from me when i'll meet you very soon. and i promise sally to cut down on ciggs *pinky promise*

wont be soon before long

2008-10-20T18:21:00.000+08:00

turning point.

everything has been different lately. the ones around goes awkward, and i have not much to talk about like we usually do. both mother and father rarely talks properly. they've stopped asking about school, myself and such like they usually do. all they do now is shout and nag. where have they gone? and some friends of mine. if you're pissed with me for some reason or another, i'll gladly have you say it in my face. stop throwing me faces. its so fucking irritating. and you're so fucked up to behave in such a way. spoils my day. i know i have been a little off lately. it just that nothing is working the way i want them to. its just something i have to do to get me through whatever i am feeling right now. so friend, stop being childish, and don't behave that way. we grow up and we'll all change eventually. i might not be as nice as i was before. so, dont expect much if you're going to treat me that way.
on a lighter note. school is starting to get hectic. with the upcoming exams all lined up (thank god im not debarred!)this november. the end of semester 1. the coming of end of the year, time pass sooo fast. i have report that is yet to be done. i had a great time with wawa and her friends at butter fac on saturday night, THANKYOU WAWA!! the hari raya trip yesterday with the nafa lovelies turned out great, only some people has to spoil it. oh, thanks anyway. and bestie, don't fret, for you is a happy kid(: parents, they're all the same.

'best deefenze is nonsenzee'

2008-10-18T01:38:00.000+08:00

the changing of winds.

its different. unlike any other days, today got the best of me. this mixed feelings. im not tied down, but i have nothing to rely on. the distance between me and some friends are getting apart as days pass. and im nowhere near being glad/happy about that. quite saddening it seems, but im thankful for those who are still around to help me through. for now, only thoughts encircling my mind.
on a lighter note, i think everything is kind of in a state of daze. for me i suppose. joy and laughter i can't express well, like i used to. but im thankful for wawa,jina,sera,sally,nurul,jenelle for making my day in arthur soh's ever-so-damn-boring class. sally with her la senza, nurul with her kenot-tahan-very-funny self and jenelle with 'hey gorgeous'. thankyou wawa and fiee for the advice. im taking time to think/evaluate/conclude. i know its something difficult to go through, and god is testing us for he knows we are able to handle it. unfortunately, not all humans are strong for this. and im one of them. and jina, thanks a ton for excel's(:
for now, im looking forward to the upcoming events lined-up. but im still badly disturbed.
the family is having a downturn for the meantime too. though father is on a good mood today. for no damn reason, acting as if nothing happens. stop being merry, you're irritating the hell out of me. i prefer you like, normal?!

and. i miss bestie.

2008-10-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

a different day.

my sleep was badly distrupted by my irritating throat. sore, pain and thick. thick with phlegm. gah! so sick. and since there's no school today, ive got to haul myself out of the bed and get the cutting boards busy. the family is coming home by noon, and i just woke up by then. lol. still, i managed the cooking within an hour. muahaha! after much lazing around with Dora and Elmo around me, i got busy with the pencil, the paper and the eraser. im starting to miss this. got to wait for the next semester then, i'll enroll western painting for cross-elective. well, not much for today, just got some revisions, drawing, writing, colouring, thinking done. hud is always thinking. duh! tell me, who the hell never thinks, even for a second?! anyways, my MSN's been a bitch these few days. and ARFAKEE'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING!! :D
oh! i forgot. AUTOCAD IS NOT DONE. YET.

funkycurls hair got stolen by the barber

2008-10-15T00:46:00.002+08:00

this gets quite random. but i just feel like having another post that i just read this friend of mine's blog. im not alone afterall. its another downfall, and i feel for her. even though we're not that close, her posts brought me bacl sometime where i once felt like she does. im sure all girls went through the same thing. for now i believe relationship is not essential for anyone for them to be happy. i mean, what is the whole freaking point when you'll get hurt in the end. yes, the honeymoon period. but, for how long will it last? i thinking sally now. her future plans of career and adopting kids. lol! its too deep to talk about this now, but so just give it a thought. im quite startled sally was on cue when i told her i felt rather disturbing. its just, i hate being dangled around. like hanging by a thread. its like you're being used for some reason or another. and i wish, i wish i won't see him anymore. just the sight of someone he knew makes me uneasy all over. but how not to. i just can't let go of what we've shared. its so hard to let go. the thought of him attached to someone aches me more. i'll go through those times when i'll sit and think. and write and draw. and thought of this. i think and think and think so hard. that eventually i end up with tears streaming down. why the hell was i being so freaking foolish. why didnt i freaking think. somehow, i kind of live by to walk over my past, i'll get into something new that'll trouble me in the end. and the cycle'll go on. this sucks. and i tend to think so much. for this feelings. but not for myself.

2008-10-15T00:11:00.002+08:00

i miss that friendless ghost.

at times like this is when i miss you. your silly self. how you would just cover your face whenever i rant at you, and just made me laugh it out with you in the end. you're unbearable. but i love your company. its something different from where i was. where you bring me to walk in your shoe. gave me a taste of freedom. taught me what is worth. show me steps to overcome. from every rage i had. from the past that i can't let go off. you gave me strength. to turn over something new. to let go and move on. i can't thank you enough. and now that you're gone, i need your strength. your strength that once made me carry on. i want your heal. baby, for i miss you so.

don't cry, just clear the mess.

2008-10-13T15:53:00.003+08:00

the earth.the community.for you and me.

i woke up startled with cold sweats early this morning. some dream i had. it was a chaotic scene. like a war somehow. but everywhere there's screaming and crying. the rumble of the angry grounds fell me on my knee. the strike of the ferocious stormy sky deafening the situation.

all was chaotic.

i dream i ran from the scene, only to find myself in a darkened somewhere.

with sweat dripping from my forehead, i squinted at someone/something coming close.

it ask for forgiveness.

it ask for to save the world.

it ask for changes.

"before its too late"

it said.

and i woke up at the roar of thunder from the morning sky.

gosh.

and the call for change.

dear all, do your part for the earth. even how little it might be. take care of these grounds you're standing/living on. this place called earth, is something extraordinary that exist both you and me. be thankful. be grateful. appreciate it for all its worth. for god is great,it can take away everything you have in a blink of an eye. stop them pollution, burning of whatsoever, littering of whatsoever, thoses CFC chemical, bombings of where ever, war between those whose blood runs the same colours as yours.

for the earth. the community. for you and me. and those loved ones.

this calls for a big change.

awareness is for all.

ring a bell for a change

anyway. its daddy's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

i love you even how much i hate it whenever you nag mooore than mother(:

2008-10-11T14:35:00.008+08:00

10.10.2008

the best time of my life i had with all my wonderful classmates! *bigbig grinns!* it was a sports day for all the NAFA students held at yishun park. although it was hot, we had much fun camwhoring and watching our classmates in the paintball arena. it really bonds us together, both the PA ans VA students. the day went was soo good. sports day with the best classmates around, mit up arfakee for a short walk and catching-up and a gig at rumah seri friends with the usual RA/shyla, bestie, sally, tasha. hangout till late with the funny, cool people around(: the best birthday present ever:D all thanks and credits to my OH-SO-AWESOME CLASSMATES, THE USUAL CLIQUES, MOTHER, FATHER, BESTIE, SIBLINGS. you guys are the best of the best!! *two thumbs up.* thank you so very very much for everything!

something special

2008-10-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

for she says

making sacrifices to those she love is sanction

but she got hurt again

and again

when will it ever be different

for she says she is fine

everytime

though it cuts deep inside her

for she always pretend to turn her back on them

2008-10-08T21:58:00.004+08:00

today.

its been sometime since the last blog. so far, its been a buzy week with reports and assignments to be done. gosh, its only a week after hari raya, but school has been crazier than ever. arts management presentation went on quite well, even though we only have 6 slides to be shown. heh(: for now, the class has been closer than ever, thanks to some stupit mistake a friend of us made, that made us much closer together. its all good though(: met sally and bestie early today to do some shopping, and a talk on some interior design thing at fashion school. it was a very short one, and i dont really get the idea of whatever the speaker's talking about. lol. sally dear is just so hilarious and cute these few days. yes, she made me and the rest laugh like crazy:D oh sally, dont take it too hard for you is soooo cute! for now, im stuck with brother at home while the rest went for some visiting. its brother's birthday tomorrow when he'll turn 21! and mine the day after. good to be legal funkycurls asked. i hope it is(: im just looking forward to the upcoming days for some much fun! *grins grins*
to mum; can i get myself inked?
mum; can i "ink" you before you inked yourself?

in guilt we commence

2008-10-07T01:24:00.002+08:00

today

for she cry of what she feels at that very moment. its heartbreaking to see someone close to you shredding tears. of what remained the past that hit her within seconds.

opposite sex causes heartbreak. well, not all. but most. pure jerks. no part of it is funny and playing around means everything to these people. disappointingly, we're being played like puppets. clean ones when given to them. but thrown a around or left unattended when got bored of. guys has shit in their brain. for some fucking reason or another.

use your fucking brains to think. and you will say 'why would we even care?'

and i shall say 'why even think of getting in our pants?'

that might just be what you fucking care for.

jerks.

this species called male are no difference compared to every single one of them.

don't cry baby. we love you. i love you.

2008-10-06T02:33:00.001+08:00

like the sun and the moon

all revolves

when the stars appear

you'll know night falls

i hate festive season

2008-10-05T01:46:00.002+08:00

you were no difference compared to the rest

2008-10-02T22:56:00.001+08:00

once. someone said to me; i don't know about love. i prefer trust.

and i guess that person is right

2008-10-01T10:51:00.002+08:00

festive season.

its the festive season again. even how much the mood drained away for me to celebrate, lets start looking at the brighter side of it.

i've learnt that festive season like this brought family/friends ties closer together.

filling the empty gaps that were once hollow between us.

losing people around you due to their fate or foolishness.

opened up my eyes and learn to know appreciation.

appreciate and treasure those around you.

despite their flaws.

dont take them for granted cause anything can happen anytime/anywhere.

to my friends;

i seek forgiveness, if ive somehow one way or another ive hurt you both physically or mentally.

to my close ones;

i seek forgiveness too. despite being close and words are shot anyhow/anyway. i seek forgiveness. and i thank god for having people like you around. i can never ask for any better.

and someone'll say;

FORGIVE BUT NEVER FORGET!

to those who have left us;

thank you for opening up my eyes and learn from what have happened.

may god bless you.

a message for a school friend;

it hurts so much to hear about you acting this way towards us who are close to you. worst, we go through thick and thin with you despite the few months we knew each other. we are all humans and we have flaws. yes, we're slow, but that doesnt make you the right to discriminate us. maybe you were slow in realizing were in the process of learning.

for god's sake, listen to yourself say and realize how much you've been a heartache to us.

anyway, thank you for being a friend for this few months.

though it havent been a good one.

to mother;

thank you for being there all this while and understands me. even how much i hate you for making me peel a bagful of onions till 2 in the morning. sheesh!

for all;

I LOVE YOU.

selamat hari raya!

2008-09-30T00:46:00.003+08:00

where'd you go.i miss you so.

remember that night at the beach. we felt good together. you shudder when we hug.

and you have to go after what had happen. once, i've told you drinking will kill. it does. one way or another, they said you were drunk. what have you done. why so foolish. why stupidity runs in you. why, dont you even think. once you've said life was meaningless to you. but why this way. i dont know how to react. youve been a part of me. for a short while. and you were there. always there. and i have been a disappointment. i let you down. the reason was you. never me. and now you let yourself down. youre so selfish. and for once i thought youve changed. baby, im deeply sorry you have to go. even it cuts right through me. rest in peace my dear boy.

i'll always love you.

for casper.

2008-09-28T23:50:00.005+08:00

Dalam benakku lama tertanam

sejuta bayangan dirimu

Redup terasa cahaya hati

Mengingat apa yang telah engkau berikan

Waktu berjalan lambat mengiring

dalam titian takdir hidupku

Cukup sudah aku tertahan

dalam persimpangan masa silamku

Coba tuk melawan getir yang terus kukecap

Meresap ke dalam relung sukmaku

Coba tuk singkirkan aroma nafas tubuhmu

Mengalir mengisi laju darahku

Semua tak sama .. tak pernah sama

Apa yang kusentuh apa yang kukecup

Sehangat pelukmu .. selembut belaimu

Tak ada satupun yang mampu menjadi sepertimu

Apalah arti hidupku ini memapahku dalam ketiadaan

Segalanya luruh lemah tak bertumpu

Hanya bersandar pada dirimu

Sampai kapan kau terus bertahan

Sampai kapan kau tetap tenggelam

Sampai kapan kau mesti terlepas

Buka mata dan hatimu relakan semua

it sounded alot like lust

2008-09-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

collage.

oh if you spot any stuffs that were'nt suppose to be there, act as if you've seen nothing. *grinning* cause singapore feels like sahara today. the heat is unbearable, it leaves the throat so dry and body so weak. a trip to peninsula for brother's stuffs and chinatown for stuffs again, and a quick trip to the bazaar for bestie's stuffs. bestie came over to hang out and break-fast together. finally i got my collage done, and looking forward to do more. everything random is found in it. no reasons to that. hehe. thanks to bestie for the printed pictures. from the bottom of my blardy heart, thank you lovely!

assignments!assignments! never less of them, always coming. two more presentation due on 7th and the 9th. if im not wrong. and we're slowly getting it started. gosh. no raya this year. can?

thank you friend. for i thuoght you were sincere in helping me out. you're so fucking nice, i can't find someone nicer than you. oh. did i mention you were the most prettiest bitch i/anyone have ever seen?! *eyes rolling*

thank you.for you have made me happy.bitch.

2008-09-25T23:20:00.002+08:00

VT.

a trip to the victoria theatre for colin's class. field trip!! like back in the primary/secondary school days; EXCURSION! but only difference is that we're suppose to travel to the venue on our own. no more school bus. lol. the trip to VT opened up my eyes to theatre and how the backstage crew manage the lighting/sound/setting of a whole performance. its really cool, as we get to climb up to the sky gallery where there's manymany ropes with weights on them. a great time with the class too, as we get to take pictures and get crazy with the things around us. and we get down from the sky gallery via the 'talked about' spiral staircase. it gets quite scary, as there were offerings by the stairwell and the staircase is so very narrow. so we go single-file and sang to baa baa black sheep as we get down as the place gets darker downwards. finally, we made it back to the stage and everyone is happy. lol!
met brother for some shopping. pity him. its the idk hw many times his gf has to postpone their date due to her attachment. but brother's a good guy and stays by her no matter what. and brother finally knows how to blow his nose. im so proud of him. after 20 years not being able to. now he's a man. who knows how to blow his own nose. *can i laugh now?!*

imy

2008-09-25T01:34:00.002+08:00

in hoping and failing.

i use to think that one will change when he/she gets to know someone new. but, thinking furthur, i don't think it does. well, maybe a little, depending how much that certain someone is an influence to you. like our daily lives and the revolving earth, things change every milisecond. for the better or the worst. not much stays constant. human beings change for the better or the worst too. changing for a cause, for someone, for something, to be better, to get better, or to rebel.
dear diary. i have done alot lately. and have yet to find my identity. wanted to be the better, but kept falling into the open pit. is given a choice. i did choose. but end up taking back my words. maybe, its time i let myself think, of shutting myself up from those that i end up hoping for. or simply just shut-up. refrain from being too friendly. and listen to myself. listen to what i want/need. maybe. this way. i'll find what i really am.

tenterhooks

2008-09-24T00:15:00.003+08:00

affection.

restlessness seems to linger every second the clock ticks. im insomniac. sleepless nights.

school got quite draggy, even though i get to meet up with the best classmates around after the two weeks of "studybreak". yes, insert *inverted comas please. music assessment wasnt that bad after all, even though i acted as if i know whatever i'm writing on the paper. lol! and i scored 9/10 for music report. bingooo! wawa,sally,nurul,joan,sera,angelline. the best people around:D
break-fast with bestie earlier on and a quick buy of some stuffs around the bazaar. i had fun with bestie. its been a while, and i miss those times where we talk and talk and laugh and laugh like nothing else matters. and we had that earlier on. its just so good to have pour everything out. the good. the bad. the sweet. the bitter. everything. only bestie knows how much affection i have towards a certain someone. ring a bell and say; ohmy! he's bonded!
if you get what i mean(:
anyway, thank you bestie for ****face photo:D i'll be gladly sleeping soundly tonight!!

bitter sweetness.

2008-09-23T02:20:00.002+08:00

best-crazy-kickass friends.

the best thing that happened awhile ago, was with these crazy-kaki's. finally met up with them and break-fast at el-sheik.hehehehe..they're so hilarious, ilham with his magic tricks that got wet at the start, due to his excitement that he hit on to his glass of 'non-alcoholic beer'.tipsy you said :D lol! sheesha later on at al-tazzab. we got ourselves seats along arab street,where its so damn quiet that we changed to the normal seating near the crowd. crapped all the way. and we got curious, as this male waitress kept on throwing smiles towards ewan. hmmm..fishy! and to avoid getting it out of control, we get out of there. lol! to ehub for bowling, zai drove us there while ewan and ilham on bike. haha! i so envy those whoever that can already drive/ride. heh! two rounds of bowl, and we got out of there, as time's running out and the place's closing up. its been a great time with these awesome people around. i can't wait for more meet-ups!! and courtesy to zai for driving me home(:

dancefloor.

2008-09-22T01:33:00.002+08:00

hobby.

spring clean again today. and finally got my hands on them paint brushes and watercolors after for so long. *bigbig smile* mother finally gave me some space letting me do whatever i want to after helping her with cleaning up the house. i finally get to paint for a few hours before mother has to come barging in getting me out of the house to some gathering for breaking-fast. grr. someone/something always has to get in the way. ohwell. anyway, i managed to paint my pencil color's box. see that, if sheep's what you're thinking, then sheep it is(: a few more paintings coming up for the room's wall collage. daddy gave me permission to repaint my wall and im super psyched. only that he made me use up the leftover wall paints from the store, cause he refuse to get me new paints complaining i didn't finished them up the last time he got them for me. fine. fine. fine.

a fast trip to beach road to get brother a pair of sneakers. i got myself flipflops and mother owe me a plain high-cut for my hobby project. yeyness! tomorrow's monday. and i cant wait for the gathering. *bigbig smile*

if only you were free from that bond you had, i would.

2008-09-21T02:06:00.002+08:00

the day.

somehow it turned out fab. even the quick spring clean after getting lazy in bed kills the shit out of me. im so lethargic these days staying up in bed till around noon. talk about 'beauty sleep'. lol! anyway, was suppose to get back to CGH for checkup yesterday, instead i drag forward the appt over the weekends or early next week. so, a quick-shopping for a new pair of heels for the festive season. its kind of weird, having to celebrate hari raya again. well, lol. and met shahidah after the quick-shop for breaking-fast. arab street was really packed, myself forgetting its on a friday. i had a great time with dear shahidah, after for sooo long not meeting up :D oh, and a gathering on monday for breaking-fast with sha and the gang! yes!yes! i so can't wait to crap like crazy with them, like we used to!

a day with sally dearest and bestie. hebat bangat! simply go insane with these girls around. and i miss school like hell even though its a few days away. looking forward to school, NOT the exams for sure(: microecons is killing. did a short survey with the girls, and they had what, only a few chapters to go through before they're done. myself. oh! just two pages. how about that?! the brain's not absorbing anything, and that is surely a bad sign. sigh. weekend trip awhile ago with bestie and the few shyla/RA people. i had fun with bestie, laugh like we never laugh before. *insert mat rep cannot-make-it face*
today is best!

don't walk.run!

2008-09-19T01:36:00.003+08:00

lets get overratted.

because i had too much to smoke/think/tire last night. and that wasn't the first. getting the immune in trouble again and forcing the bile to lengthen even it hurts so much inside. the growling of voice running through my head. rush. the rush all over like that day. the bile comes and go at convenient intervals. 6am and immune is fully jammed. surprisingly the brain works well. a fast clean up. to the physician. got under the weather. to the nearest sanatorium. a thick prickle on the left arm. drip. drip. drip. a test for fluid level and blood count. daddy's pissed i can't take care of myself. its done and over with. im getting stalled for the mean time. unless i pinky-promised daddy for getting well.

because you haven't been around lately. and i did see that coming. just like it used to. on tenterhooks. companion made me think over the top. see how far it works. its going to be artificial. don't start if you're going to repudiate. stop this claptrap.

because i've been bad lately. it has been a great deal. but i've let it go like it doesn't matter. this judgement too much for the running. setting off from where reputations stands.

burn those grudges and let go.

2008-09-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

walking towards the rainbow.

its been a sleepy morning even though the fam missed the morning meal. i have to drag myself to work with a barely opened eye,a heavy head and an aching back. oh this is killing. work got quite draggy at the first, but it turned out well with the supervisor and team leaders around(: more people seems to sent in their resignation letter. im still considering. i thought of going retail this time, FnB is tiring me off. oh well. and work finished quite fast ending at four with 14bux in hand from the tips box, and getting onboard a freezing-cold bus is a way to end it off. ipod's plugged and im into dreamland. bumped into sammy's friend at cp while looking through the pile of markers in popular. how i miss that sammy kid(: everyone's been MIA at the moment. was suppose to meet bestie for company earlier, but mummy called for help to get some stuffs on the way home. i miss dear bestie too(: and my girls(: the long wait for wednesday's get-together for break-fast and sheesha. can't wait! and also another get-together for break-fast with the girlfriends sometime next week(: its been so very long since we all met, and we have to do some catching up from where we fell off one another. its kinda sucky to fall out from those you're used to be closed with, like a part of you missing. oh well. im still happy with who i am now and those around me. god bless(: still, i am looking forward to the get-togethers. can't barely wait! funny, i've been missing casper lately. thanks to sammy dear when i called him reporting that i saw his bestpal. he's sounded funny over the food while eating, well,i barely can hear him though.lol. we'll have meet-ups soon since im having this short-yet-stressing study break. a trip to the skatepark it is. and milo dinosaur or 'milk syrup' afterwards with the burning char smell hanging in the air. and retracing the steps where we all used to walk together, back when casper's still around(:

you sounded like a heartbreak.worst then me.

2008-09-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

pain partially restored.

like having you there but having nothing to do with it.
we're separates.
like on a mellow journey.
like walking on water,only feeling dryness at the end of the river.
like the morning breeze beating against the skin,not feeling the chill it brought down.
like the hot sun blazing above an open field,not perspiring.
just stading there.
waiting.
waiting.
waiting.
for a miracle.
waiting.
for a change.

about time it tells.